Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

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(412): Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head. http://tfl.nu/0n78

Replies (114) Good night (8650) Bad night (1206)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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(208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re

Replies (37) Good night (918) Bad night (8649)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

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(978): I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/sljh

Replies (7) Good night (2866) Bad night (576)
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(914): View more from New York

fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.

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(914): fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/w88c

Replies (17) Good night (1080) Bad night (5714)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

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(601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... http://tfl.nu/v1vf

Replies (33) Good night (6977) Bad night (1061)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

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(215): This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis http://tfl.nu/mvim

Replies (17) Good night (1588) Bad night (2735)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.

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(859): I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn. http://tfl.nu/8uge

Replies (5) Good night (1440) Bad night (985)
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(518): View more from New York

He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.

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(518): He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on. http://tfl.nu/jgdt

Replies (6) Good night (3082) Bad night (556)
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(802): View more from Vermont

He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?

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(802): He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been? http://tfl.nu/bs5q

Replies (4) Good night (1313) Bad night (461)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.

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(717): This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy. http://tfl.nu/qoag

Replies (5) Good night (1116) Bad night (542)
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(705): View more from Ontario

I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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(705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/bmha

Replies (3) Good night (542) Bad night (985)
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(334): View more from Alabama

FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

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(334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x

Replies (9) Good night (2068) Bad night (355)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.

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(480): I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified. http://tfl.nu/m5g1

Replies (2) Good night (270) Bad night (481)
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(786): View more from Florida

Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.

(1-786): View more from Florida

Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?

(786): View more from Florida

I insist.

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(786): Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted. (1-786): Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat? (786): I insist. http://tfl.nu/nbuf

Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (228)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?

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(203): I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex? http://tfl.nu/agnf

Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (360)

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