Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there

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  (713): well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there http://tfl.nu/feia
  Replies (19) Good night (725) Bad night (5507)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out

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  (410): I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out http://tfl.nu/hdo3
  Replies (12) Good night (1307) Bad night (3630)
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  (530): View more from California

  Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

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  (530): Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering. http://tfl.nu/vhlw
  Replies (7) Good night (4055) Bad night (1041)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?

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  (602): I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon? http://tfl.nu/25nz
  Replies (11) Good night (2510) Bad night (1023)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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  (606): Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now. http://tfl.nu/sgsy
  Replies (12) Good night (2284) Bad night (1463)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

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  (239): He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes. http://tfl.nu/tunx
  Replies (5) Good night (910) Bad night (3017)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.

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  (208): This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week. http://tfl.nu/trjj
  Replies (4) Good night (1734) Bad night (579)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D

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  (616): I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D http://tfl.nu/kf4w
  Replies (8) Good night (2649) Bad night (619)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  How was your weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.

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  (774): How was your weekend? (508): The sex was so good. It hurts to exist. http://tfl.nu/pe42
  Replies (4) Good night (3320) Bad night (834)
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  (559): View more from California

  She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude

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  (559): She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude http://tfl.nu/6q44
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (2003)
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  (619): View more from California

  Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done

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  (619): Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done http://tfl.nu/oq1m
  Replies (2) Good night (955) Bad night (481)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.

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  (207): I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night. http://tfl.nu/1vni
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (499)
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  (510): View more from California

  Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.

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  (510): Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle. http://tfl.nu/xmjt
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...

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  (508): We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on... http://tfl.nu/xnt1
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.

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  (870): You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it. http://tfl.nu/7wns
  Replies (4) Good night (839) Bad night (342)

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