One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.