Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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