OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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