SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.