We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...