Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.

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29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(405): View more from Oklahoma

We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.

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(206): View more from Washington

What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

(425): View more from Washington

Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far

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(802): View more from Vermont

Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.

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