goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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