Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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