Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
