Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
