just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
