FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
