I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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