Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
