More tranny stories later!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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