I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
