I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
