when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
