Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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