I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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