the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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