Where did you get a picture of my penis
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
