I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
