am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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