At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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