What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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