Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
