fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
