Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
