You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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