Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
