why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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