hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
