Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
