Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
