Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
