i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
