All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
