I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
