Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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