Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
