Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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