OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
