Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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