that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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