Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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