It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
