$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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