Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
