this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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