all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
