my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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