oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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