in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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