I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
