Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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