I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just threw up on my dentist
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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