I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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