i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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