dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
