There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
