so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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