there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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