Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
