For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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