I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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