Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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