There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
