Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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