you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
