I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
