I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
